How Pharrell turned Nas into a dead-beat dad

Kelis is a female R&B artist who you may remember from popular hits such as Milkshake and the one where she did a lot of shouting about hating men. After being married to her rapper boyfriend Nas for a few years, she got knocked up and is about to have his baby. The only problem is Nas doesn’t want to pay for shit. Black men not looking after their kids - is this something that regularly happens within the black community? I’m not entirely sure. Kelis says that she doesn’t even have enough money to buy prams and rattles and all the other stuff little babies need. Nas’s response was something along the lines ‘fuck you bitch, you gotta pay for all that shit yourself’. Rofl. Kelis claims that she's broke, which I can kinda understand, since she hasn’t had a hit in years and she’s not getting any younger/more attractive, so a career in porn is out of the question.

I remember when I used to look after my baby cousin who was a little, shall we say, ‘special’. If you called him a ‘dickwad’ or flicked him on his ear, he wouldn’t react for a good five, maybe ten minutes. He’d come running up to you and be like ‘no, you’re a dickwad’ or would hold his ear in pain and start to cry long after the deed. I think Nas is similar to my cousin. He’s probably just realised that the future mother of his child used to get jizzed on by Pharrell. I can imagine him waking up next to Kelis one morning with one of Pharrell’s songs playing on the radio or some shit. He probably walked to the bathroom, looked at himself in the mirror and knew it was time for this shit to stop. We’ve all done it before.

Sometimes the harsh reality of a fucked up situation doesn’t hit you right away. Its takes its bare-footed time to quietly creep thorough your subconscious, before stomping all over you psyche with a big pair of ego-bruising Doctor Martins. But yeah, I’d be pretty pissed if some skinny black-dude that looks Korean had banged the mother of my children. Maybe not pissed enough to financially disown my child, but pissed, nonetheless.

Words: Donald Crunk