25 things that are not, never will be and never were ‘Gangsta’ (part 1 of 3)

1.Helping your little brother with his homework: When was the last time you had to work out ‘the square root of a right angle’ or know ‘which year Neil Armstrong killed the last dinosaur and made them all extinct’? Probably longer than your coked up little brain could even imagine remembering.

2.Going to jail: It’s nice being able to actually decide when, where or who you have sex with. Not being able to, sucks.

3. Being man and being married: ‘Honey, did you take out the trash?’, ‘What time are you going to be home from work?’, ‘Why are there love-bites all over your neck?’, ‘Who is Nicole and why is she texting you at 3.30 in the morning?’ Maaaaaaaan, funk dat.

4. PS3’s: Extra gay. Go cop an X Box 360.

5. Dancing: Cool people nod their heads; anything else takes too much time and way too much effort. Not that we’ve ever done it, of course.

6. Aids: That night of unbridled (and unprotected) passion has left you with a lifetime of disease, heartache and pain. Suckers!

7. Being an actual gangsta: So, you shoot people, take things that aren’t yours and make all your money illegally because you were abused as a child, your parents didn’t love you and you have a little penis? Damn, sorry to hear that, bro. (see: 2)

8.Eating ice cream: Try saying ‘I’ll have two scoops of the strawberry surprise, with extra sprinkles’ without sounding like a fag.

9. Men riding bikes: LOLZ. You like to have hard pieces of metal between your legs for hours on end. Dude, you’re so gay, it hurts.

Words: Crunk and Betts