Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbour!

The best thing about fashion is that you don’t have to follow any particular rules to look good. Despite what those stupidly over-priced magazines say, trends should be spat on with disgust, rather than followed religiously. I mean, what magazine would you find pink cotton sweaters, Adidas tracksuit bottoms and nasal tampons in? Probably just the ones run by special people like us.

Ok, so ‘rules are there to be broken’ yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah. There are still some people out there that need a little help. Don’t see the following as steadfast rules, but look at them as ‘I’m so fashion-retarded that I’m gonna’ take advice from a bunch of people I can’t see even though they may dress like a bunch of cock cadets themselves cos I really really need their help.’’ kinda' rules:

Hair: Think stupid and big. Short is also do-able, but never let ‘stupid’ leave your mind. A stupid haircut lets people know that you’re really a smart person because only a stupid person would be so uncomfortable with their stupidity that they would try and hide it behind an un-stupid haircut.

Footwear: When it comes to your feet, absolutely anything goes. From box fresh Nikes to shabby plimsoles, it really doesn’t matter. Wanna’ shake things up a bit? Guys: put on your girlfriends heels. Girls : Errm, I dunno - give your boyfriend head while he’s wearing your heels? Yeah, try that.

Jeans: Tight.

Colours: The colours you wear fall into two easy-to-distinguish categories. Klaxons and Horrors. If you like The Horrors, then you’re not allowed to go too crazy with the colour schemes - it’s just black or white, really. If you’re feeling particularly sassy you can give ‘grey’ a go. Klaxon fans can look like all the colours of the rainbow without anyone batting an eyelid. If anyone questions you about looking like a Super Nintendo game stuffed with MDMA-tainted Smarties, just say ‘’I’m a new raver, innit.’’

Acessories: You can never have too many accessories.

All together now: ''Thank you Betty!''


Words by Backyard Betty

Thanks to my baby mamas' favourite baby mama Yads for the pic.